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.Andhe was terrified for you.Robert tried to talk you out of it becausehe was afraid he d lose you.You defied him. Another low-keylaugh sounded as Edith shook her head. He thought you d comecrawling back to him and you didn t.You made your own way. Nick felt Brandon tense under his touch. It pissed him off. No, she corrected. It made him so proud that his son hadsuch purpose in his life. But I failed. Now Brandon just sagged, even his hand onNick s leg went limp. I couldn t keep Shayna safe.I shouldn thave ever brought her to meet Nicky. ALL OR NOTHING 191 Oh, Brandon, no. She squeezed him tighter. You did theright thing.You came back to Shayna and tried to make her partof your life.Your life, I think a big part of it is Nick.This thingthat happened, we don t understand what the plan is.We re small. Her voice drifted soft, like she tried to put it in perspective forherself as much as for Brandon. Maybe the plan for Shayna isbigger than us.God sees the forest, the trees and each individualleaf.We only see the leaves on our own branch so how do weknow what the tree, the forest needs? After a moment, Brandon sputtered, What the hell are youon? Look, grieve, rage, suffer as we wait, but believe in God.Wewouldn t have been given these emotions if we weren t meant toexperience them.But ultimately we have to trust.You have to goon& for her sake, it s the only way to find her. No. Brandon pinched the bridge of his nose like he wastrying to drive away a headache. The only way to find her is findthe asshole who took her. God will lead us to her. Edith sounded so sure.Nick wishedhe had even half that much faith. We have to trust in him. If anybody, I trust the police, Brandon huffed. They re theones that will bring her home. Every time Brandon said thosewords, bring her home, Nick shuddered like ice dripped down hisback.Something in Brandon s tone said he held no hope in thatstatement.All it seemed to speak of was closure& and not thegood kind. And you and they are God s hands on earth. I don t understand you, Edith. Brandon looked devastated,lost.Edith appeared only slightly less distraught. To completelymisquote some poem I half remember: When I asked God forwisdom, he gave me problems to solve and when I asked him forstrength he gave me burdens to bear and when I wanted truth,he showed me where I lied. She seemed to have faith& thatprobably gave her something to fall back on. 192 James Buchanan What do I do? Nick wasn t sure whether Brandon meant about trying to livethrough this or telling his dad or both. You want your stepmother s two cents? Why not? Brandon s laugh sounded hollow. You ll tell meanyway. Get rid of the tattoos. After another hug, Edith lookedover at Nick and smiled, Keep Nick, then her attention focusedback on Brandon, and just keep putting one foot in front of theother. Standing, Edith smoothed her skirt.The fussing seemedmore nervous energy than anything. I m going to go warmsomething up for me.Maybe you two ought to get out of thehouse for a while.It s New Years Eve, you could go have dinneror a drink somewhere. Brandon collapsed back on the bed next to Nick. I m not upfor a party, Edith. Not suggesting you were. Edith smiled down on them.Likeeveryone in the room, her face was drawn with tension. Spend alittle time with Nick.You ve been tripping over us and not feelinglike you could be with him.You need him.You don t have to beout late, but take some time together. What if someone calls? Brandon sounded desperate. Ineed to be here if anything happens. You re out and about at the command center or the policestation, Nick jumped in. You don t worry about getting callsthen. Maybe Brandon really didn t want to be alone with Nick&still blamed him.Brandon twisted around. That s different.I m there where Ican do something. Listen, Edith s reasonable tone drew their attention to her, keep your cell phone handy and I promise, Brandon, if anythinghappens I will immediately call you. She reached out and brushedhis knee with her fingers. Please, for your sanity, get out fromlooking at these walls.Have some time with Nick this afternoon. ALL OR NOTHING 193I m going to call your father anyway. When the panicked lookstruck Brandon s face, Edith added, I won t say anything.That sbetween you two.But, I need to hear my husband s voice as muchas you need to be with Nick. CHAPTER 18Brandon slid into the front seat of Querida as Nick turnedthe key in the ignition.Over the roar of a V-8 hemmed in agarage, Nick asked, So what do you want to do? We could golose ourselves in a movie. He waited for Brandon to slam thepassenger door shut before adding, Or grab some pizza andbeer.Your call. Even as Nick rattled off the options, nonesounded remotely appealing. Things ll be a little crowded onNew Year s Eve, but it s not even four yet. Brandon buckled the lap belt then stared at his hands.Theyrested limp in his lap. I wanna fuck. It took a moment for those three words to sink in.Stunned,Nick twisted in the seat to face Brandon. What? Of all thethings he could have said that was the one Nick had expectedthe least. I want to go somewhere and fuck my brains out until I mso worn out I can t think anymore. Hard, exhausted eyes swungup to lock on Nick s face. I want to touch you, and feel you andforget, for just a little bit, that my life ended a few days ago. Nick figured Brandon was depressed, terrified, but the utterhopelessness of that statement chilled him. It s not over. Hetried to put as much confidence into those three words as hecould muster. I know you re down.But, shit man, you can tthink like that. He couldn t think like that.The police wouldfind Shayna. Yeah, whatever, Nicky, Brandon huffed. I m not up foran argument right now.Let s just go find someplace and fuckaround. Okay, Nick stammered. Ah, we could do that. Shit, thequestion was where.He didn t want to take Brandon to someseedy little by-the-hour joint with vibrating beds. Just give mea moment to think. There might be a reporter or two trackingthem and he certainly didn t want to be followed to a place like 196 James Buchananthat.They d have to be fucking blind to miss the hearse.Since the options were to have Brandon ride bitch on the bike,without winter gear, or take the van and leave Edith strandedwithout wheels no way she could drive the fussy old Cadillacthey d opted for the hearse.The big navy vintage Endloader wasabout as low key as an elephant walking down the street, but itwould have to do.Orozco had warned them, all of them, that there was justenough media appeal in this story for the possibility.A cop s kidhad been taken.That in and of itself was pretty good for a soundbite.Top it with she d been taken by someone now believed tobe gunning for his best friend a Nevada Gaming ControlAgent and the scenario was ripe for a mid-afternoon drama.Watching everything they said and did was tempered by nothaving to push media outlets to keep Shayna s face in the publiceye.It was one of the best shots they had to someone comingforward with a tip.They could easily lose themselves in any one of the big casinos.Goddamn, some of the Vegas giants had a bigger footprint thanMcCarran International Airport.The strip was too dangerous, orat least Nick thought of it that way now.That s where he d beenfollowed
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