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.Yet movie stars seem to be one ofthe most unhappy groups of people in our culture.Fame didn't get themwhat they really wanted.Usually when people are driven to gain vast sumsof money, power, fame, etc., it has to do with believing that if we get thesethings, then we will feel worthwhile, or loved, or something else very basic.When we identify this basic goal, we can find ways to have it that are moredirect without going through the effort of achieving another goal that maynot really be relevant.If your goal is to get a certain job, this could be a way for you toachieve many personal goals.You may want this job because you find thework enjoyable, or it might be a way for you to accomplish somethingworthwhile.This job might give you financial independence, or allow youto be around a certain kind of people.Your "goal of the goal" for this jobcould be to continually learn more, or to be creative.Many different kindsof jobs can provide enjoyment, accomplishment, financial independence,learning, creativity, or whatever your goal of the goal is.For example, let's say you want to be a professional basketball star,but you're only 4'8* tall.That is a serious practical obstacle to beingsuccessful at basketball.However, when you ask "What would being aprofessional basketball player do for me?" you may realize that what youreally want is to have a job where others respect you, and you can makemoney.There are literally thousands of jobs that will bring you money andrespect, yet don't require you to be seven feet tall.When you focus on whatyou really want, you have many more possibilities for success.It may be even more useful to go a step farther.If you want moneyand respect, you can again ask yourself, "What will money and respect dofor me that's positive?" "What do I really want by having money andrespect?" Most people want at least enough money to enjoy a comfortablelife.Most of us also want to be respected.However, when goals such asmoney and success consume someone's life, it's usually because a personthinks that money and success are ways to get something more essential.By asking ourselves, "What will getting that do for me?" we often find thatit is something like being loved, feeling worthwhile or OK, feeling safe, orsurvival.Essential goals or outcomes like these are important enough thatthey are worth going for more directly. 248 HEART OF THE MINDSometimes you need to ask "And what would that really do for me?"several times before you get to a core goal.For example, getting a particularjob could be a way to be successful.Being successful could be a way togain the respect of others.If we go one step further, the "goal" of gainingrespect from others could be to feel OK as a person.Getting a job could be a way to avoid taking any responsibility."Iwant to just do what I am told." The positive purpose of this, or the "goalof this goal" might be to "feel safe." "If I don't have to make any decisions,I feel safe."Once we know the core goal of safety, or of feeling OK as a person,we have much more flexibility in attaining the goal.It might be that wewill really be safer if we make some decisions.It might be that we can feelOK about ourselves more easily without trying to gain the respect fromothers first.When we know what we really want, we're much more likelyto get it.Take one of your goals now, and ask yourself, "What will havingthis do or get for me that's positive?" Take the time to get down to what'sreally important to you.Individual Sessions and WorkshopsIf you still feel stuck after exploring what you really want, you maywant to consider consulting someone well-trained in NLP to help youdiscover what you want and how to achieve it Sometimes it can be mucheasier to achieve our personal goals or outcomes with the assistance ofsomeone with more experience in these methods.While some of our readershave written to tell us of the valuable changes they made on their own,others find it much easier to experience results personally when they arebeing guided by someone else.This can happen in a seminar, in anatmosphere of assistance from the trainer and other participants, or throughprivate sessions.Everyone responds somewhat differently, and part of usingNLP skillfully is being sensitive to those differences and dealing with them.There are many subtleties to doing NLP well, and many adaptations thata skilled NLP trainer or practitioner will be able to make with any particularmethod so that it fits for each unique person.If you are considering a workshop or private work to get more benefitsfor yourself, we'd like to suggest some guidelines so that you get the mostfor your investment of time and money.The field of NLP currently has nouniversal standards or licensing procedures, and quality varies dramaticallyfrom person to person, and from one center to another.Here are some waysyou can gather information before making an investment: Knowing What You Want 249Client Work1.Does your therapist or change agent spend lots of timegathering information about what has gone wrong in the past? Whilesome of this can be useful, devoting a lot of time to gathering informationabout what went wrong will seldom lead to solutions.What leads tosolutions is finding out how you or other people solve similar difficulties.Effective NLP practitioners will spend much more time gathering informa-tion about your positive goals and your personal abilities and resources.2.Are you moving toward your goal or outcome? Some goals aretypically achieved in one session by NLP practitioners, while others takemore time.Even with goals that take more time, clients typically experiencesome movement in the desired direction within the first two or threesessions.If you don't, it may be time to work with another therapist orchange agent.Even if you are working with a skilled person, they may bemissing something, or your goal may lie outside their area of expertise.Noticing movement towards your goals is the single most importantcriterion to use.3
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